.processing.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. Life seems to be crazy for so many people. I can really only speak for myself and I do know for me and my family, life has been CRAZY. We are only 5 months in to 2011 and this year is one for the books as far as this DeBacker family goes. One year ago, we found out we were going to be adding a new member of the family only to find out 2 days later AJ's current job was receiving a cut in the number of hours and thus would spiral down to less pay and very high medical insurance costs. God then led AJ to a new job opportunity in July and what has been an amazing job for AJ with the Salem Keizer school district. He loves his job. It has ups and downs but then again what job doesn't. We felt blessed that God had provided AJ with a full time job and medical benefits. He was off and running with his new job and along came Maggie on January 16th. And what a whirlwind that was.

We were reeling. We hung tight to each other. We hugged each other, held our son and hugged our family and friends. We felt God wrapping his arms around us and we never ever felt alone. It was a time of fear of the unknown, trust in our almighty God and love like we have never experienced from everyone near and far, known and unknown around us. We prayed and cried. Cried and prayed. And tried to laugh and act normal every now and then. One week and a day after Maggie entered the world, blue and breathless, we were taking our baby home from the NICU. She entered the world on a cold, windy rainy night and we brought her home on a glorious, bright sunshine day!

So now we are four months out and I am still processing. I look at the medical bills that are coming in (no complaints as we have insurance and a beautiful daughter). I see all the things we want to do with our home. I dream about taking a vacation this summer and I hear of all the lay offs and job cuts the school district is making. And I am overwhelmed.

But God is gracious and all knowing and loves and cares about even the sparrows. So I know he still loves and cares about me.

Why am I struggling? AJ still has a job. I know, a huge AMEN, right? He is baffled and I am baffled and we know God has a reason and for this we are so so so thankful. Our daughter is thriving and is hitting milestones and impressing the doctors. She is babbling and rolling over just like a normal baby. We are astounded by her daily. Both of our kids are beautiful and amazing and such "easy" kids that I honestly couldn't ask for me. So again, I ask, why I am struggling?

I guess when I pictured life after my baby girl in 2011, I pictured it differently. And yes, I know, this is a stage of the nonn stop nursing, fully reliant on you baby stage. I am not complaining. This will be over soon. It is all the other things I wasn't expecting. Traumatic birth, ambulance rides, NICU, medical bills, ER trip, family sickness, broken water heater, giving away one of our dogs, finding more and more gray hairs on my head. This is just life, right? Well, I guess I just feel like my turn at life should be over. It is time for another person's turn. You know, when you play the game of life and you drive the pink car, spin the wheel and do your turn. Now it is the blue cars turn.

Please don't feel like I am complaining. God has given us sooo many things as well. In no means does this post lessen all the things we have been given. Just processing. Writing is so cathartic. Just getting it out helps me some. And now the blog world knows how I am feeling. Overwhelmed but blessed. Kind of a weird place to be, I guess.

Enough processing and rambling. I'm out.

Cute kid videos

Porter's favorite number is 2 and he loves saying it. He is also a math whiz! Check him out...

2 days shy of turning 4 months old, Maggie decides it is time to roll from her back to her belly.

Goodbye, Ellie...

AJ and I were married in July of 2003. I moved to Vegas to join AJ who was already living there as he had another year or so left of school I was in a new city, newly married and didn't find a job right away. AJ was working and going to school, so I was at home a lot and lonely. Well, I started looking at getting a dog. By September of 2003 I found our first dog, Lucy. She is a rat terrier, chiuaua mix. She is the black and white dog. We loved her and thought she was pretty cute and fun.

But then, I got a job and then I got a second job. I was rarely home and if I was home, I was most likely sleeping. AJ was still working and going to school, so our new puppy was not getting a whole lot of socialization. So by June of 2004, we thought it would be a good idea to get a second dog so they could be pals to each other. And that is when Ellie, the white miniature schnauzer entered our lives.

She was a wild and crazy puppy and we just chalked it up to the idea that she was in the pet store for around 6 months. That is a long time in a pet store. We took her home and instantly she was the alpha dog. She was in charge. Now fast forward to April of 2009 and we now have our little baby Porter. Ellie was fine when Porter was a little baby but as soon as Porter could crawl, we had a minor incidence of Ellie getting very territorial of her bed that Porter had decided would be fun to crawl in to. I was devastated but just couldn't bring myself to admit that Ellie might do this again.

Unfortunately, she did a couple other minor times but truly, she and Lucy would often be locked in the basement all day when we were home as I just didn't feel comfortable if I was in the kitchen and the dogs were out with Porter in the living room. Then Maggie came along and now she is getting to a stage of rolling and will be scooting and crawling very soon. Ellie had to go. She just isn't the best with kids. She is loyal with all her heart to AJ and I, but saw the kids as a cramp in her loyalty to us. And that just wasn't going to work.

Lori, my mother in law, found a wonderful person (the lady who does her nails) that was interested in taking Ellie. It sounds like a match made in heaven. No kids at home and she will be able to fully spoil Ellie and I am sure we will get updates on her from time to time.

I will miss my Ellie dog. She was a fun dog and had the quirkiest ability to howl. It was pretty cute. Goodbye, sweet girl. I know you will be much happier with your new family.

 

My last picture of Ellie. She was getting groomed the next day. She was so shaggy!

 Ellie and our other dog Lucy. They rarely shared a bed.

Look at my new haircut! 

Just like Daddy

Porter has taken to "fixing" the dining room table. He pulls out his Black and Decker tool set and will drill on the corners and legs. It is pretty cute. He will also at times flip his lawnmower over and work on it as well. Such a cute kid and watching him start to role play has been a lot of fun.

Happy Easter

Easter was a little different for our family this year. Since we ended up in the ER with Maggie on Saturday and then admitted to the hospital for the night, we did not make it to church as a family and we were all pretty tired and exhausted by Sunday when we did get home from the hospital. We did have a fun Easter basket for Porter. He enjoyed opening up all the fun little toys we got him. That afternoon we went to brunch with the family and Porter and Finn had a fun little Easter egg hunt. Sometimes things just don't happen the way we want them too but we still had good family time and more than anything, we were happy that Maggie and Mommy were back at home!

 What is that, Porter?

Bubbles!! 

Surprise!

Our surprise present to Porter this year was a train table. When he woke up on the morning of his birthday, we took him downstairs to see what Daddy had set up for him. He was pretty excited!

Porter turns 2

April 3rd, 2011, Porter Everett John turned 2. We celebrated our little guys birthday in style. Kid friendly snacks, make your own party hat activity, presents and cupcakes. Grammie let us have it at her house as there was quite the crowd. We had a lot of fun!

Happy  Birthday, Porter!

 

Some of Porter's favorites: grapes, string cheese and crackers.

 Party Hat craft

 Another of Porter's favorites: fruit smoothies made by Daddy

 He also loves noise makers.

 Present time!

 This picture is a little blurry but this was the winning present amongst all the boys.

 A lawnmower!!

Porter does not wearing his party hat!

 Daddy comforts are the best.

2 candles for the 2 year old.

 We practiced blowing out candles and now he can almost blow bubbles as well.

First real cupcakes ever. He took a bite of the gum drop and one of the cupcake and he was done. Wasn't really interested in all the sugary goodness. Fine with us.

 The cutest little 2 year old with his blue eyes.